A 36-year-old woman, choosing to become a single mother by choice, grapples with profound sadness, regret, and persistent feelings of being unlovable, seeking advice on how to navigate these complex emotions and prepare for psychologically healthy parenthood.
At 36, after a decade of unsuccessful dating, a woman has made the positive decision to become a single mother by choice. Despite her excitement, a pre-screening psychological counseling session highlighted the grief many women in her situation experience, leading to deep sadness, regret, and feelings of being unlovable. She feels set apart from her peers, envying their companionship and support, and struggles with intense loneliness, particularly after a colleague's pregnancy announcement. She seeks guidance on how to live with these emotions and ensure she becomes a psychologically healthy parent. Psychotherapist Julia Bueno suggests these feelings, especially of being 'unlovable,' may be a 'reactivation' of childhood issues and a thwarted 'reproductive story.' She emphasizes that positive feelings can coexist with negative ones and recommends strategies such as talking to trusted individuals, writing a compassionate letter to her grieving self, and seeking support from solo mum communities like Gingerbread and the Donor Conception Network, as well as resources like Susan Golombok's book 'We Are Family.'
