A 36-year-old woman, choosing solo motherhood after years of unsuccessful dating, confronts deep sadness, regret, and feelings of being 'unlovable' as she navigates the emotional complexities of her decision, despite her excitement for the future.
A 36-year-old woman, who has decided to become a single mother by choice after a decade of unsuccessful romantic relationships, expresses profound sadness, regret, and feelings of being 'unlovable' and alone. Despite her excitement for the journey, these emotions were triggered during a pre-screening counseling session and intensified by a colleague's pregnancy, highlighting the grief for the family life she had hoped for. She seeks guidance on living with these feelings and becoming a psychologically healthy parent. Annalisa Barbieri, with insights from psychotherapist Julia Bueno, validates these complex emotions, explaining that feelings of being 'unlovable' can be a 'reactivation' of core childhood issues, common when considering parenthood. They emphasize that positive feelings like gratitude can coexist with difficult ones like loss and envy, and that 'disavowing' grief is common but unhelpful. Recommendations include openly sharing 'dark' feelings with trusted individuals, writing a compassionate letter to her grieving self, and seeking support from solo mum communities (e.g., Gingerbread.org.uk, Donor Conception Network) and relevant books like Susan Golombok's 'We Are Family.'
