A British woman, frustrated with UK dating apps and the pressure for commitment, explores diverse romantic cultures in Berlin, Paris, Oslo, and Rome, uncovering vastly different approaches to love, sex, and relationships that challenge her own ingrained habits.
The author details her personal struggles with internet dating in the UK, where the initial thrill of 'shopping for an alternate future' on Hinge quickly gave way to disappointing in-person dates and the overwhelming societal pressure to find a life partner for both emotional and financial security. She highlights the widespread disillusionment with dating apps in Britain, noting a mass exodus and a perceived 'peculiarly British problem' where finding a life partner is paramount. To broaden her perspective, she embarks on a three-month investigation into dating cultures across Europe. Her journey reveals stark contrasts: In **Berlin**, she finds a 'poor but sexy' city embracing non-monogamy and viewing dating as a casual 'leisure activity,' with commitment redefined and less pressure for traditional long-term partnerships due to a different housing market. **Paris**, while discreet about infidelity, sees it as a 'national sport' that can enhance marriages, with Parisian women prioritizing sexual pleasure and intellectual connection over traditional 'happy endings.' In **Oslo**, independence is key, leading to quick sexual encounters before formal dates, an 'exit door' approach to avoid emotional debt, and women often holding the power in relationship progression. Finally, **Rome** maintains a more formal, elegant dating style with traditional gender roles (men initiate and pay), yet struggles with privacy due to multigenerational living, though Italians excel at creating romantic environments and savoring moments during dates. The author concludes by reflecting on her own 'horribly British' dating neuroses—such as waiting for texts, drinking to cope, and projecting far into the future—and finds liberation in viewing these habits as culturally determined, expressing a desire to integrate elements from these diverse European dating styles into her own approach.
