A homeowner's act of kindness allowing a friend to stay temporarily has escalated into a long-term problem, with the friend overstaying her welcome and the homeowner feeling resentful and unable to confront her. Legal and psychological experts offer advice on reclaiming boundaries and home.
In spring 2022, a homeowner and her husband bought a larger home, and she invited a friend, who was going through a difficult time, to move in with them and their two children. The informal agreement was that the friend would either retrain or save for her own place and move out within six months to a year, contributing £350 monthly towards energy bills. The homeowner even provided money for a course. However, nearly four years later, the friend has not retrained, secured a new job, saved for her own place, or has the funds to move out. The homeowner feels trapped, resentful of the additional burden as a working mother, and guilty due to her privileged position. She describes the friendship as a warped parent-child dynamic and struggles to confront her friend, fearing her emotional reaction. Legal advice from solicitor Gary Rycroft suggests the £350 payment for expenses and lack of exclusive occupation likely doesn't grant the friend 'equity' or an indefinite right to stay in England and Wales, recommending formal legal advice. Psychotherapist Chris Mills identifies the homeowner's 'overactive feelings of guilt' as contributing to the dilemma, advising 'tough love.' He stresses that the homeowner doesn't need to justify wanting her house back and is being taken advantage of. Mills encourages initiating an adult conversation, being prepared for the friend's emotional reaction, giving adequate notice without apologies or excuses, and stopping the parent-child dynamic. The core message is to be clear, tough, and decisive, asserting boundaries even if it means the friend is upset.
