This article explores the modern resurgence and redefinition of 'lavender marriages,' now referring to committed, loving relationships that don't prioritize conventional romance or sexual desire. Featuring examples like gay-straight couples raising families and asexual best friends marrying, it argues for the validity and formalization of these unions, driven by both deep emotional connection and significant economic advantages, challenging traditional views of marriage.
The article delves into the contemporary reinvention of the 'lavender marriage,' a term historically associated with discreet, heteronormative facades in old Hollywood. Today, it's being openly embraced and redefined online as a shorthand for diverse, loving, and committed relationships that do not center on conventional romance or sexual desire. Examples include Jacob Hoff (gay) and Samantha Greenstone (straight) who are happily married and expecting a child, and asexual friends April Lexi Lee and Sheree Wong, who married platonically, stating they 'bestied so hard we got married.' While Hoff and Greenstone dislike the term 'lavender marriage' for 'cheapening' their 'love match,' the article notes its co-option for relationships some call 'platonic life partners' (PLPs) or 'rainbow marriages.' The author addresses skeptical viewpoints, such as those questioning why friendships should be formalized through marriage. The response emphasizes that marriage, historically a property transaction and patriarchal institution, should no longer be seen as a sacrament sullied by extension to other forms of love. It argues that 'just' friendship can be as sacred and worthy of formalization, citing historical precedents like 13th-century Iberian coniurationes and Cameroonian belayDo relationships. Furthermore, the article highlights compelling practical reasons for these unions, particularly economic ones. It details the 'single penalty' – including higher rent, bills, lack of tax breaks, and health insurance considerations in the US – suggesting that modern 'nu-lavender' phenomena are partly a Gen Z response to economic struggles and dating fatigue. Beyond economics, marriage offers fundamental benefits like longer life expectancy, better health outcomes, emotional support, and security. Finally, the piece celebrates the chosen visibility of these modern unions, contrasting them with the secretive nature of historical lavender marriages. By openly sharing their experiences, these couples are powerfully advocating for the official recognition and celebration of love in all its forms, cracking open traditional definitions of marriage. The author concludes by expressing excitement for this development, especially in an era marked by narrow, exclusionary values.
